I chose the title for this entry to continue along with the Broadway theme of my previous writings, and also because right now, I can identify with the person who sang this song. For those of you who don’t recognize the title, its one of the songs from “JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOR DREAMCOAT”, and Joseph himself sings this song.

Now…the story around this musical is originally found in the Bible/Torah. Joseph was the next to youngest of Jacob’s children, and favored by his father…so much he was given a gorgeous colored coat as a gift. His brothers were very jealous of him, and what made things worse, is that Joseph would share with them his dreams … which mostly were symbolic dreams about him rising to prominence and literally ruling over them.

Where am I getting with all this? Joseph was a dreamer. He had big dreams, that were divinely inspired, regarding his destiny. He believed those dreams, and innocently shared them with those he loved the most, expecting them to rejoice over that dream…but instead was rejected.

I remember a pastor giving a sermon about Joseph, and I will never forget his words: DON’T SHARE YOUR DREAMS WITH EVERYBODY. Why? They won’t get it, and possibly end up being a deterrent to that dream becoming a reality (intentionally or in many cases unintentionally).

If I hadn’t mentioned it before–I will be in NYC March 25-30. The main purpose behind this trip, aside from a quick visit with friends and family, is to audition for Telsey & Company, one of the casting companies in NYC. They are the same ones who held the casting call for IN THE HEIGHTS this past December in Miami, and are auditioning again for ITH, as well as 10+ other current and upcoming productions.

Well…when I mentioned to my parents earlier tonight, that I would be getting headshots done on Friday in order to have them available for these auditions, so began the reaction I’d feared. Mind you…I had mentioned these auditions in passing to my mother several weeks ago, but she has somehow forgotten that.

And so the rapid fire went:

“You still have that in your head?”
“I can’t believe this…what about your job?”
“You know, sometimes I’m better off if you hide these things from me. I don’t want to hear it.”

I left the room angry, frustrated, but above all, hurt. Don’t get me wrong…I understand where they are coming from. These are my elderly, “old school” parents who see the need for financial stability, and that, in their opinion, is not found by a career in the arts. They want the best for “their baby”, to make sure she is OK and can stand on her own. So, in their mind, I am crazy, foolish, and every other term in the book.

Ok, I get their concern….BUT.

The little girl in me, always seeking that approval, always desiring to make Mom and Dad proud, is heartbroken. I am MORE than thankful for the friends, the family, and second family I have surrounding me that encourage me in countless ways and are God’s Angels helping me along this journey. You’re one of them if you’re reading this. I love you all more than my words will ever be able to express….BUT.

But…the 2 people I would desire the most to be my biggest “fans” and “cheerleaders”, aren’t. That hurts.

Moments like these I think of Jesse…my beloved Jesse, my big bro who I still miss and especially now, with so many things going on in my life that he would be smiling ear to ear about. I daresay, so much of what I’ve done and AM doing, in many ways is my way of honoring his memory. He was one of my biggest cheerleaders…and right about now, BOY would I love to be able to talk to him about all this. I guess I will just hope God has a close circuit TV for him up there in Heaven so he can stay posted on what’s going on with his baby sister.

ANYWAY…so where was I? Ah yes….friends, God’s Angels…

It’s interesting how right before I get a setback, I get a huge encouragement. Its like God knows whats coming so He makes sure I get built up so when the blow comes, I will remember, after I’m left on the floor with my head spinning and wondering “what happened?”

Just last night (2/24/09) I went to the opera, a last minute treat from a co worker and friend who was performing in the chorus. After the wonderful performance, we waited by the stage door to greet our friend, and other mutual friends also in the production. One of those, was an old friend of over 10 years who had been part of the choir at the very first church I attended in Orlando. He is, to me, an accomplished tenor, and someone I have always held in very high regard and have the utmost respect for, as a musician, performer, minister, and just overall as a human being.

Our reunion was joyous, and we talked away as if no time had paseed. Upon sharing with him my artistic pursuits, the brightest expression of joy shone on his face, and with a huge smile, he expressed how happy he was I’d decided to do it. It was what followed that made such an impact on my life, I almost cried as he spoke…

He began to tell me about how, since the very first time he’d heard me sing in church, he recognized the God given talent I had….and how he knew I belonged on stage, because I had the looks, the presence to do it. I was speechless. I mean….honestly? For a LONG time, I never thought I was “good enough”. Blame it on low self esteem and having well meaning friends who were a little too controlling. But no. I never, ever thought of myself or saw myself the way he described me.

And that’s the whole point….these words were coming from someone I consider to be “a pro”, an authority…and that is why I was so overwhelmed with emotion. I knew, those words were words I’d needed to hear, to cement the belief in what has been given to me by Grace, and to put to rest any doubt this was all part of the Divine Purpose I was created for.

All that, only 24 hours ago….and then, BOOM. See what I mean?

I can only conclude by going back to that sermon I heard about good old Joseph. He shared his dreams with his own family, who “didn’t get it”. It cost him a lot…but in the end, the dreams came to pass.

In my case, I may be “alone” so to speak with my dreams, because two very important people “don’t get it”…but, I still have The One who gave me those dreams, planted the talent within me, AND friends and family who DO “get it”….

So? The pursuit of the dream continues…con mucha PACIENCIA Y FE (with a lot of PATIENCE AND FAITH)

Thank you for joining me on this journey. Until the next time, “DARE TO DREAM.”

Recently as a joke I’ve begun using the moniker “Broadway Baby” on some social networks and instant messaging applications. Well, I stopped to ponder for a moment about this name, and the song I remember hearing it in. So, with the help of Google I found the lyrics, and couldn’t help smiling to myself. If ever a song described me and my dreams (albeit dated lyrics but hey who cares?), I think this is the one.

Read, and enjoy….

I’m just a
Broadway Baby.
Walking off my tired feet.
Pounding Forty-Second Street
To be in a show.
Oh…
Broadway Baby,
Learning how to sing and dance,
Waiting for that one big chance
To be in a show.Oh…Gee.’
I’d like to be
On some marquee,
All twinkling lights,
A spark
To pierce the dark
From Battery Park
To Washington Heights.
Someday, maybe,
All my dreams will be repaid.
Heck, I’d even play the maid
To be in a show.
Hey, Mr. Producer,
I’m talking to you, sir;
I don’t need a lot,
Only what I got,
Plus a tube of greasepaint
And a follow-spot!
I’m a Broadway Baby,
Slaving at the five-and-ten,
Dreaming of the great day when
I’ll be in a show.Oh…
Broadway Baby,
Making rounds all afternoon,
Eating at a greasy spoon
To have on my dough.
Oh…At my tiny flat
There’s just my cat.
A bed and a chair

Still I’ll stick it till
I’m on a bill
All over Times Square.
Someday, maybe,
If I stick it long enough,
I may get to strut my stuff
Working for a nice man
Like a Ziegfeld or a Weismann
In a great big
Broadway show!

Seriously my friends…It’s not that 2008 was entirely horrible for me personally…however,I’m not ignorant to the fact that this now-departed year was challenging to not only us folks here in the USA, but pretty much all over the world. Economic crisis, political crisis, health crisis…geez Louise, CRISIS in general. I have friends AND family (Some of you are reading this!) who have felt the aftermath of the storm 2008 was…and are trying to put the pieces together.

On a personal level, again- I can’t say it was terrible. By the grace of God, I still have a job (for now), a home, food to eat, and can pay the bills. However, there were certainly some emotional and family related issues that tried me, and quite frankly drove me to tears one too many times, especially the last few weeks of 2008. I daresay that I’m still putting the pieces together from the storm that shook me up this holiday season. So it goes without saying, I was glad to see this year end.

There were amazing highs, the biggest ones in December…the church Christmas musical, which made such an impact on my life, and in the lives of others. And, my audition for IN THE HEIGHTS…which is an entire story in itself. The biggest blessing from that experience was discovering just how many friends I have, and what an amazing support system I have behind me. It is reassuring, stirring, to know I am so loved and cared about. Still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it.

I made new friends (thank you Facebook, Beijing 2008 and Michael Phelps, LOL), reconnected with old ones, and strengthened existing bonds with my flesh and blood. Yeah, I also had my clashes with the flesh and blood, and I seem to have lost some friends along the way…eh, or maybe they were just “for a season” and fulfilled their purpose in my life, to then move on…such is life, I guess.

So where were we? Ah yes….2009. New Year.

You know, not to sound cliche, but I can’t seem to shake the notion this year is going to be far more significant than years past. I’m serious as a heart attack about this…I’ve never really bought into the New Year hoopla…shoot, I roll my eyes at resolutions and all the cheerleader, motivational crapola you tend to hear around this time of year…but this time around it’s different.

Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older, but I seem to have a heightened awareness, like I am standing on the brink of some kind of historic, life defining moment…Most of you know a fire has been lit under me and I am now in pursuit of what I believe has been my purpose from Day One: my love of music and the arts. But…it goes beyond that, somehow. I can’t articulate it, but that feeling is there.

This afternoon, I walked over to this little park by my house, where I would often go to take brisk evening walks and carry on my conversations with God about everything and anything on my mind. It had been some time since I’d done that, and knowing my feelings about this New Year, decided it was time to revisit an old, but so refreshing habit. So I suited up, packed a new journal and pen, and off I went.

I sat down by the pond, and it was there that I talked (and cried, especially) to God about this year that had just passed, asking forgiveness for those things I knew I’d done wrong, asking for opportunity to ask forgiveness to those I’d done wrong to, and of course, asking for guidance, wisdom, strength and determination to hang on to those promises and dreams, and pursue them till they are fulfilled.

After doing that, I began to write in my lovely Beatles Yellow Submarine journal, which I have named “Dream Chaser’s Book of Everything”…

The purpose for this “Book of Everything” is to write down my random thoughts, keep a gratitude journal, as well as write down quotes, song lyrics, words from friends that would be significant to me at a certain moment, that I feel is a divine message of encouragement and reminder to stay the course.

While doing that, I thought of so many people who have blessed me in so many ways, in the past year, and throughout my life. If you’re reading this, trust me…it’s because you are one of them. It’s such a source of comfort, strength, assurance, to know I am surrounded by many people who in thought, word, prayer, and just plain LOVE, have stood with me and have my back, believing in me and seeing in me what I oftentimes fail to see in myself.

I took the time to thank God for each of you, and ask He bless you and grant you the answer to the questions, prayers, and concerns you may have in your own lives…I have nothing really to give you in return for so much you’ve done for me, but I can ask the One who has everything and is everything, to give all these things to you.

Then finally….I found myself entranced watching planes taking off into the clouds (i live real close to the airport)…and I dont know why, but it just seemed like it was a sign for me…like finally, after so many years….my life is taking off. Call me corny…but that’s the honest truth.

CHANGE. The word’s been played out thanks to a fierce presidential race and an historic election. But, it’s a word that resonates in my mind, even now as I type this. It’s coming…Change IS coming, to my life, and I think to many other’s lives as well. I hate sounding so cliche, but it’s so tangible to me I can’t help but say it.

It’s official. The journey has begun…and I promise that no matter where that journey takes me, you will never be far from my thoughts and always in my heart. And, I will be bold enough to say, when those dreams have been fulfilled and I am walking in the fullness of my purpose…I am never going to forget what each of you has been to me, and how you were an instrument in God’s hands to get me there. I’ve said it before: you are priceless treasures that I will never, ever, take for granted. That is my word…my promise.

Happy, Blessed, Prosperous, Successful, Healthy, Peaceful and AMAZING New Year to all of you.

Let the adventure begin. Until the next update, I leave you with a loving hug…

-A

When you question your own self-worth,
and doubt the inherent value of your life,
you are actually second-guessing
the wisdom of your Creator.

Be wary of presuming to know
more than God!

It is far better simply to trust
there is a reason you are here,
and to act with an assurance
there is a purpose
your life will fulfill.

Your openness, acceptance and confidence
in the Hand that put you here
will enable others to see that Hand
working in and through your life
– even when you cannot.

I will keep this first post brief, but if you haven’t met me before, allow me to inroduce myself. My name is Alina, and as the blog title suggests, expect to read about the random aspects of my journey through this 3-ring circus we call “life” :0)

Have a good evening!